People always want someone to understand them, maybe to listen and provide advice. Because the truth is everyone thinks they have the worst problems in life. That's why I say, it is better to keep to oneself to the things you strongly believe in as the words and thoughts(inner) only serves to pull you back further into the grey area or push you to hell for that matter.
It is very tiring to find out everything been nothing short of being disregarded as unimportant, however being assured as the priority. It's all crap talk and giving you momentarily hope so that maybe you will just shut the fuck up.
I don't have to prove anything to anyone. Being able to do the things I like,doesn't mean I don't work hard or spend frivously without a care for anyone. The next thing I know people would like to say "yes I understand but...", going on to their own views which simply tell me just jolly well give up and be practical. You don't have to be too explicit about showing, I can feel it.
I can sense others' feelings, quite well if I say. But I do not want to tell them I understand.. simply I have not been through that particular incident. But I listen. absorb, and to tell the truth I do feel pain, hurt, anger.
damn, I really wish I can be less sensitive. I can cry at a sentence I saw, spoken and sometimes at people's happiness. But I learn to hold it in..so the urge to cry will come in one sudden rush and I just can't stop when the first tear dropped.
Secretly, I wish I can die. I meant it when I said it. If only, that incident few years back has succeeded. It's so ironic, where I can give wonderous advice and encouragement to others but not to myself. Being increasingly unhappy is poison. Maybe, I should adjust my thinking to 'all my unhappiness towards life is unimportant'.
Being alone is good I guess. At least I won't affect others, being treated like a fool when I care because in the end they don't believe my genuine feelings, deemed as being ignorant, navie and stupid because I think this way and I don't do politically correct stuff. Someone once told me, "Those who really appreciate me will really love me for who I am." It's so hard because initally you can accept, but they would want to change you in the end.
I never run away when people I love are faced with problems. But I am terribly upset when they assume I will behave that way. Or maybe I am just an useless vase, too lowly to be worthy (in other word, stupid)to understand. Likewise I get upset when faced with problems of my own, I received no support or understanding. Just being there and talking to me would be enough. Just that I might not always response. Sometimes there are too many things on my mind. But seriously my heart is melting when I felt the care and affection. I am expected to recover with immediate effect.
From now on, I shall give whatever people wanna hear and see. I will stop complaining..maybe only to my hams at least they won't judge me. Life is never easy and I wish for the day it stopped.
+ icY @ 12:53 AM